Have faith, ♥

Rage.

Hi guys.

I've been so angry with myself these days. This whole week is hell. I swear it's hell. I swear I'm happy that time won't rewind, because of this.

Friendship problems and miscommunication problems. Wtf. But regarding the problem between me and Jamie, I still don't think it's my fault. Nevertheless, I apologised. So let's not talk about that anymore from today onwards.

Romeo&Juliet. A bitch for a director leads to quarrels and whatsoever. K. WHATEVER. I'm not going for any meetups this week. Not on Saturday and not on Sunday. I won't be going, I won't be.

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What's wrong with me. I've been crying to sleep every night this week. Wtf is wrong again? Why does everything come back to haunt me everytime I feel that my life has finally turned for the better? It fucking hurts and I swear that I could use no words to explain how i feel. Not even to Winni, or Jefferson. It really hurts crying to bed at night from 11+ till 1am and not knowing whatthefuck is wrong. It's not that I want to cry. I hold back the tears as hard as I can but i turn out hurting myself even more. Idk how to explain my feelings to anybody. And yet i'm trying to give advice to my best friend. Am I even fit to? Life fucking sucks and I'd end it if I had the courage and if I could. People claim that they care but no, 1/10 people care and the other 9 people are just curious. All of us know. I hate myself. I hate myself for not being able to put my feelings into words and before I could even speak I start tearing up. I feel so weak. SO FUCKING WEAK I FUCKING HATE MYSELF. I fought with Mdm Yati this week. I fought with her over what happened between me and Jamie. I didn't manage to say everything about this thing to him and he said it was my fault. Well it was my fault for not telling him everything. But how was I suppose to? I fought with her. Quarrelled. It sucked. I was so angry I was trembling with anger turning from hot to cold and i cried. My tears caused me failure otherwise I swear I could outtalk her because she was already repeating everything she said from head to toe. Meaning she didn't have anymore things to say so it was my fault. It's ok. It's over. I just need a scream. A loud scream that lets all the tears and troubles inside my heart for these 2 years flow out and never come back.

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Kim Hyunjong was at cwp today. -_- And thanks to tuition & R&J meeting I had to leave him at cwp alone with other girls mad over him. Damn unhappy about it. He came to Singapore. Woodlands somemore. Fuck man!!!!! Pity. My fuck god.